Learning the Hard Way

So I said yesterday that we are in essence done with the paperwork. That is a HUGE relief for me. On Friday, we'll have the one home visit that's required for our home study update and I don't expect any problems. Then it should be just a matter of waiting for the new 171 which is our approval to adopt a foreign born orphan.

I was thinking last night about my 'meltdown' on Friday of last week. I pretty much lost it because I thought I had forgotten a key piece of paperwork that I was told needed to be submitted with my letter requesting a renewal. In other words, I figured I had been waiting for a week and half only to find out that they probably received my letter and trashed it. Saturday made it worse because I got our fingerprint appointments. This was good news that they didn't trash my request until I realized that they were scheduled for 5 days after our expiration date -- which in our understanding meant another $800 to start the process all over again -- not to mention the fact that it was on day when Keith would be out of town on business. The poor woman at Immigration was very patient with us and explained that the clock stopped when she received my letter. Then she told us to step around the corner and if they weren't busy, she'd get our fingerprints done that day. No one else was in there. Everyone in the waiting room was waiting for an interview.

I had a horrible weekend worrying about all this stuff and then praying in turn that God would fix it for us. Even walking into the Immigration office, I prayed -- all the way from the parking lot, through security, and even at the window that He would make a way. And He did. He had a plan from the beginning.

It's very frustrating to me that I can't just trust that. When we first started to talking about this, we suddenly saw adoption every where. In the stores. In books. It came up in conversations that we had and we didn't bring it up and conversations around us. They even had a Saturday Night Live skit about Chinese adoption on one of the only times we've ever watched that show together in our lives. When we decided to go ahead, even more of that happened. It was like every time we thought of it, God made everything around us go "YES. YES. YES." Money appeared. Things happened quickly. It was like a path appeared in front of us. So why can't I trust that He's got it taken care of. Why is that so hard? I KNOW He's behind this. And I KNOW He's already taking care of her because we're already asking him to. So why can't I just 'be still and KNOW that He is God.'

I've known all along that the wait is supposed to teach me something. I guess that's it.

So I suppose I should apologize to all my fellow adoptive parents who are waiting with me. I'm sorry I'm not learning too fast. I'll try harder. Maybe we can still make the Olympics.