Go Away Guilt... Come Another Day

I've noticed, since moving to Oklahoma -- and therefore, a new community and a new congregation -- that I don't feel like I am doing much in our church family now that we've found one. I was fairly active in our last congregation. After 11 years, most of the people who could use my help knew that they could ask for it with a reasonable expectation of success. So, it's a little weird to be cut loose, so to speak. I'm not really sure where my niche is here. As a result, I've been feeling guilty that I'm not really doing anything.

Particularly when my Bible study or the sermon or an online devotional suggests that I should be active. I wasn't sure what to do with that. I don't really know what I can do here and I feel hampered somewhat by suddenly having a 3-year-old to take care of.

The other day, when it was again bothering me, I started trying to remember what kinds of things I did when the Chick and Dude were toddlers. You know what I remembered? Nothing. It finally hit me that, other than occasionally filling in when their classroom needed someone or helping with snacks at VBS, I really didn't do much. Then I started wondering why that was.

Hello. It was because I had a toddler. It was because I could barely manage to get a daily shower much less anything else. Because I had an hour and a half a day to myself during nap time and pretty much no other time. That's why.

So I've decided to let myself off the hook. I know that I also have two teens (or one teen and one who will be a teen in 3 months) who could help but they have school to do and I don't feel right interfering with school to get one of them to babysit -- well, except for the occasional daily shower time. (Trust me, we ALL want daily showers to happen.)

And once I let myself off the hook, I felt a lot more peace about it too. I think God honors the decision to focus on your family because He thinks it's important too. All those little things that have to be done for a class or the congregation will get done. And if they don't, well, maybe they aren't so important or necessary after all. God is pretty awesome. If He wants it done, it'll happen.

And I'd like to think that He recognizes the willingness to do even if it isn't exactly logistically realistic. I'll have time to be active again. For now, well, I waited four years to bring this little girl home. I'd like to experience every minute I can.